7/7/06

written by Tom Brozenec

There's a little rock n' roll tune from the 70's ... an idealistic bit of hippie outrage originally recorded by the Five Man Electrical Band entitled simply "Signs". The song complains of the ubiquity of silly little rules in the culture. Things like: "Do this" ... "don't do that" ... It's a brilliant statement of protest and rage that, in many ways, was an early foreshadowing of the later genius of the Fundamental Theorem which followed some thirty years later ...

This song immediately popped to mind the other day as I entered my place of employment. Why, you ask? Let me tell you (grin): I just happened to be carrying my newly-work-issued mobile phone, a marvel of modern technology which includes photographic functionality, when what should I notice at the entrance but a sign stating that any mobile phone on the premises with photographic capabilities is considered "contraband" and is banned from company buildings. Well, I can tell you that sign only narrowly escaped complete and total destruction; are you kidding me? You issue me a phone and then turn around and declare it contraband when I try to bring it in?
Then ... no sooner had my temperature cooled to a mere one million degrees centigrade, I see another series of signs on the stairs ... about every ten steps there’s a sign posted that commands: “for your own safety, please use the handrails”. First of all, don’t ever tell me what to do (Theorem Fundamental)! Second - you think I’m a moron? I can't take care of myself? Keep your stupid signs to yourself before I tear off every last one of 'em and rip them all to shreds in a fit of peeve and fury. How many Brinks guards do you think it'd take to haul me off? The thought is pleasant to contemplate

... And just to make this BDE a pot pourri of ranting and screeds ... What's up with these rich morons who spend millions of dollars on a single painting? As just one prominent example, consider the paintings of Pablo Picasso. In recent years, Picasso portraits have achieved remarkably insane prices. His "Boy With a Pipe" holds the record for any art sold at auction at $104 million, while a 1941 portrait of his mistress, "Dora Maar with cat," exceeded $95 million this spring -- more than double the expected sale price. Have we all gone insane! Reality check for everybody: It's just a %$*&!# painting! Mere canvas and oil ... is it really worth a significant fraction of the cost of an NFL franchise? Or the market capitalization of Chipotle? I'd love to smash "Boy With a Pipe" right over the head of the spoiled, rich freak who bought it ... then rip the remains of the spoiled canvas into a thousand pieces and scatter them into a fine ocean breeze ... Only then could I walk away with a calm, peaceful smile on my face. One question for all these freaks: How many starving Sudanese or North Koreans could be fed with $104 million? Don't even get me started on the Mona Lisa ... or the French with their stupid Louvre ... And speaking of the French, I hope the Italians run them over like dogs in the World Cup final this Sunday

... Or what about Warren Buffet and his $37 billion donation to charity? Big whip, I say. What a braggert. If you really want to impress me, then give it away without a big announcement to the world (or give your entire $42 billion fortune away ... I know it's gonna be tough living on the remaining $5 billion ...). Heck, if I had his money, I'd buy a Picasso and burn it at a public viewing. I might even buy TV time for a "burn the Picasso" infomercial ... imagine the HUGE ratings. How much fun would it be to watch art critics and culture lovers swooning in panic as the "priceless" work of art went up in flames. My attitude, on the other hand, would be similar to that of Robert Duvall's Colonel Kilgore in Apocalypse Now: I love the smell of Picasso paintings in the morning ... smells like ... victory!!

Speaking of which ... There's another aroma I enjoy: that of a piping-hot burrito filled with the trimmings of your choice. It's that time again. Join us at NOON today (7 July). And (he said grumpily) can we all be on-time for a change? That's 12:00 P.M. Pacific Standard Time ...

Editor's Note: Due to lack of interest, the Indolent Kyle Summary will no longer appear in any editions of the BDE. It turns out that people (at least those who get "IT") want to read every last brilliant word of the BDE ... no cheating cliff notes versions ...

10/28/05

There's something significant missing in society today. Think about it ... a significant percentage of those occasions when your rage teeters on the edge of uncontrollable, the primary reason is: LACK OF RESPECT. In this modern age, we run into disrespect around (almost) every corner. Go to the market ... the checker has attitude. Go to Rinaldi's Sub Shop for a sandwich ... lady behind the counter has attitude; gives change for $10 after having been handed $20, then (upon being called on it) indirectly (and yet, without doubt) questions your honesty. Go for a haircut ... "she who wields the scissors" has attitude; ask for "zero on the sides" ... she says "no, one would look better ...". Go home ... your spouse and children have attitude; they tell you what to do! You can't get away from it ... there's no escape. Is it any wonder that "incidents" sometimes occur? And yet, those of us who "get IT" have a perfectly-tuned sense of the appropriate. Though our rage has no peer (either in quality, intensity, ferocity, or frequency), we remain utterly and completely in control. We can, and will, remain (outwardly) calm in the most infuriating and ridiculous of circumstances. And yet ... beware to the ignoramus ... to the flaunter of The Fundamental Theorem ... to the checker with 'tude ... we who "get IT" also know when it's appropriate to act and will do so with brutally efficient effect. To illustrate, I needn't go further than recalling last week's brilliant BDE. In 1941, the Nazi's and the Empire of Japan thought the Allies weak (mistaking our prudent constraint for weakness) and declared war. Yet ... what they started, we savagely finished. And we did so with a warlike ferocity than would've made Ghengis Khan proud. German industry utterly ruined; entire cities fire-bombed ... a previously proud (and some thought unbeatable) Wehrmacht utterly smashed. And in the far east, the architect of Pearl Harbor (Admiral Yamamoto) lay dead in the Bougainville jungle while mushroom clouds leveled two entire cities. Those evils did indeed pay a high price for their disrespect, and appropriately so ...

Now, none of us will have the privilege of smashing the evil of Nazism. But ... the same principles apply in every-day life ... though our "violence" today is in word, not deed. When we who "get IT" encounter the disrespect that will so inevitably come our way, we automatically filter and craft our responses with ultimate wisdom. A quiet smirk ... the silent treatment ... a disdainful look: all are common and appropriate in the face of day-to-day lack of courtesy and disrespect. And yet (and this is where it gets interesting) ... it is sometimes appropriate to respond directly, and to do so fiercely. When this happens, look out! School is now in session and Professor Brozenec will be your instructor; hold on for a wild ride.

Come again this week ... let us use our time on the veranda to discuss those circumstances where response is appropriate ... and those which deserve only a disdainful stare. Be prepared to share interesting examples from your own experience ... that we may all grow and learn thereby. And, if you're lucky, The Professor himself may share from personal experience.

Details: Friday, my office @ 11:45 or meet at Chipotle at noon.
Indolent Kyle Summary: You know ...

The Creation Story

The Creation Story
1 In the beginning TWT & TMT* created the Chipotle lunch and the gathering thereto.

2 And the lunch was initially without attendance, and void; and stillness was upon the face of Chipotle. And the spirits of TMT & TWT moved over the halls of S70 and the simulation laboratory.

3 And TMT & TWT said, Let there be Burrito Day: and there was. And the initial crowds gathered.

4 And the creators saw Burrito Day, that it was good: and they divided the distribution list from the uninvited.

5 And the creators called the list blessed, and the uninvited they called accursed. And morning golf followed by burrito lunch were the first Friday.

6 And the creators said, Let there be a dichotomy in the midst of the list, and let it divide the merely lucky from those that "get IT".

7 And they made the "Cc:" for the merely lucky, and divided these (which were under constant probation) from those that "get IT" (always in the "To:" section): and it was so.

8 And they called the entire distribution list Heaven. And many early mornings of golf followed by Burrito Day lunch were the second era.

9 And they said, Let the "To:" and "Cc:" lists be gathered together unto one place, the Chipotle veranda, and let the extreme rage appear: and it was so.

10 And TMT called the rage "State Zero"; and the gathering together of the lists TWT called Burrito Day: and TWT & TMT saw that it was good.

11And the creators said, Let the BDEC bring forth the weekly Burrito Day Email (BDE), with the witty comment, and the insightful aphorism after their kind, the cathartic rants and screeds after their kind: and it was so.

12 And TWT & TMT brought forth weekly the BDE, with brilliant writing, insightful and wise comments aplenty, and theorems and corollaries multiplying: and they saw that it was good.

13 And many early mornings of golf followed by Burrito Day lunch were the third era.

14 And they said, Let there be rules in the firmament of the veranda to divide the center of attention from the rest; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years:

15 And let these rules be as lights on a dark veranda making TMT the center of attention: and it was so.

16 And God made two great lights; the great light TMT to rule Burrito Day, and the dazzling light Hussain to co-rule: he made those of the distribution list also.

17 And God set them weekly in the midst of the veranda to give light and wisdom and rage to those favored of the distribution list,

18 And to rule over Burrito Day, ensuring the absence of "side conversations" and the
appropriate "community chip etiquette": and all could see that it was good.

19 And many early mornings of golf followed by Burrito Day lunch were the fourth era.

20 And the creators said, Let the fertile mind of TMT bring forth abundantly the theorem and corollary that giveth life, and definitions that may fly above the understanding of those that don't "get IT".

21 And TMT created "The Fundamental Theorem", for which every living creature that moveth should have utmost respect: and God saw that it was good.

22 And TMT blessed "The Fundamental Theorem", saying, fill the minds of the populace, and let it multiply in the earth. For in doing so, it will bring safety to those who listen.

23 And many early mornings of golf followed by Burrito Day lunch were the fifth era.

24 And after awhile TMT said, I shall get myself to another place of employ and the legend shall sprout and multiply in another place and be joined with the current form: and it was so.

25 And TMT made Burrito Day to multiply across the face of the aerospace industry: and all saw that it was good.

27 So TMT created Burrito Day in his own image, in the vortex of extreme rage and "The Fundamental Theorem" created he it; "To:" and "Cc:" created he them.

28 And TMT blessed it, and said unto the list, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the tortilla, and the salsa, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth that doesn't "get IT".

29 And TMT & TWT saw every thing that they had made, and, behold, it was very good. And many early mornings of golf followed by Burrito Day lunch were the sixth era.

30 Thus Burrito Day and the lists and theorems were finished, and all the host of them. And TMT rested from all the work he had done, maintaining constant vigilance over his entire domain.

Indolent Kyle Summary: Just read the entire email! This kind of genius cannot be condensed.

burrito day 5/27/05 ..(after the regime change)

written by Tom B:

Occasional self reflection is a good thing (provided it doesn't initiate the sometimes inevitable descent into dark, helpless narcissism ...). In this spirit, I ask you the following:

Do you "get IT"?

Surely, now, a good many of you have question marks roaming through your brain. What, possibly, could I be talking about? Let me aid your personal discovery by posing six questions. Your answers, properly interpreted by me (of course), will provide you with some illumination regarding your answer to this all-important question. Before you proceed, I should caution that if you don't already know what IT is ...your answer is almost certainly NO.

1. As a general rule, do you do what your boss tells you?
2. Are you lacking any one of the four "E's" of effective leadership(or, perhaps, don't even know what they are)?
3. Do you think you have a good excuse for not showing up today (RB: you know who you are ...) or any other Friday?
4. Do you frequently skip the reading of the burrito day email ...finding it boring and silly?
5. Do you habitually violate the Fundamental Theorem (or, perhaps, don't even know what that is)?
6. After reading the above, are you still tempted to ask what IT is?

If you answered YES more than twice, you almost certainly don't get IT. And, I'm sorry to say, that in the raging and continuous battle between nature and nurture, genetics, for this all-important trait, plays adominant role. So, if you can answer YES: rejoice and enjoy life. You are one of the favored few. If your answer is NO, try not to get too depressed. Though genetically deficient, you can still improve yourself(somewhat) with hard work and dedication; by the sweat of your brow.


The Indolent Kyle Summary: Many don't "get IT" ... and probably never will. Too bad for them ...Postscript Bonus: Other "It's" from popular culture, not to be confusedwith THE "IT" ....* It's the economy, stupid![famous campaign theme]* Just do it[popular sneaker company ad slogan]* Eureka! That's it.[great scientist's legendary exclamation]* It[Stephen King novel about evil, fanged, child-devouring clown]

burrito day 5/20/05

The end is here. This will be my last organized Burrito Day, but my sincere hope is that Burrito Day WILL NOT DIE! Burrito Day has evolved over the past couple of years to a very GOOD Friday routine. However, this begs the question -- what would make Burrito Day GREAT?

In a fantastic book entitled Good To Great (that should be a must read for all perspectives planning on attending business school), Jim Collins defines great companies as those which sustain exceptional performance for over 20 years. He focuses on two aspects that have helped develop and maintain ~10 truly great companies:

1. first and foremost, surround the company with quality, successful people,


2. and 2) the CEOs, who initially evolved the company into greatness, must spend considerable effort in properly transitioning power when they leave.

Can Burrito Day be GREAT? Absolutely! The Burrito Day list has gradually grown over the past couple of years with a specific focus on quality individuals. Regardless if you're on 'To:' or 'cc' (shame on you btw if you're near the top of 'cc'), you are all on the Burrito Day list for a reason. You have shown interest and dedication to the burrito day philosophy, and simply -- you bring something entertaining to the table. This mindset will hopefully not change. Undoubtedly, the Burrito Day crew easily passes Collins' first criteria.

So I know you are all asking -- who is going to take Burrito Day into the next generation? Well the answer is easy really. One leader stands above all the rest. TMT (The all Mighty Thor) has not only been pivotal in developing the Burrito Day philosophy, but his ability to lead is respected%

burrito day 5/13/05

BD has lasted well over 2 years! As the current BDC regime comes to a close, let's go over a brief recap of what BDC emails have shared with all of us over this time. Essentially this is the "Lazy" Kyle summary
for the past 2 years:

1) The BoSox World Series comeback from 3-0 down, is undoubtedly the
greatest team feat in MLB history.

2) One of our favorite hypothetical scenarios from over a year ago --
"If a chipotle burrito is moving at the speed of light, is it possible that it could actually shrink from the earth's perspective. On a brighter note, is it possible that the indulgence of a Chipotle burrito could last many years from the earth's perspective if moving at the speed of light! -- what a thought!"

3) The TOP TEN most enraging things to wait for, culminating with,
"...and of course, those anxious seconds before the tortilla man at Chipotle glances in your direction to acquire your order."

4) Over The Edge of the World, a biography of Magellan's journey around the world from 1520->1522, is an epic that no adventurous mind should miss!

5) A great line from a classic BDC email and one worth mentioning again, "What really scares me about changing the departure time for burrito day is the enraged look on Naveed's face when he shows up at Chipotle at 12:45 -- the usual time -- and realizes that we are already relaxing on the patio after a quickly inhaled Barbacoa monster?"

6) Christmas BDC -- "Now, TMT! now Burrito Day Girl (BDG)! now LC and Mcelhoe! On, Analysts! on MST engineers! on, any other HOT girls that'd like to join! (What? :-)) To Chipotle we go! To the front of the line!

7) New Year's resolutions simply set oneself up for failure.

8) Unquestionably, John Elway has more heart than any QB in the NFL, and therefore receives the BDC vote for best QB of all-time.

9) Natalie Gulbis is a HOT, talented 22-year old LPGA golfer that will soon capture the eye of the entire world.

10) The coordination of the dizzying array of stop lights along the main road of Alexandria, VA is a key source of uncontrollable BDC rage!

11) Never 'SSSHHH' our favorite department manager. The GLR trainer almost lost his life with such a ridiculous action.

12) Tiger Woods is on his way to a TRUE 2005 Grand Slam -- in Robin William words, ""Black athletic ability combined with Buddhist concentration -- SSHHIIITAAH! -- not even a German geneticist could thought that one up! "

13) Any leader of any business should read the story of Rudy Giuliani -- the mastermind behind the rejuvenation of NYC!

14) BD is now run to similar to the William Randolph Hearst dining table -- come with something interesting to say, or face expulsion!

15) Vote 2006 --PROPOSITION 77 -- Free Chipotle Burritos for all Employees on Friday. Happiness for All. Life is Good..

There is only one BD email left to come from the current Chairman. The new BDC chairman will be named next week!
Any last-minute applications?

The "Lazy" KYLE SUMMARY -- see above

burrito day 5/6/05

Rumor has it that the chairman of the BDC recently attended a ballet. While we here at the BDC are neither willing to admit nor deny these ridiculous claims at this time, this accusation does provide some intriguing questions. For one -- why would an impatient, rageful leader of a lunch group based on sharing and releasing anger submit himself /herself to a dancing display filled with men in tights, and a complete lack of words. Answers are not easy. Some of the appeal may lie in the longstanding history of the ballet. Admittedly, the appreciation of the art of dance builds with maturity and there is a general curiosity to find out what it's all about.

However, these ballets relay a ridiculous story. Take the one in question, Giselle, for example. Giselle is a beatiful girl, who lives asa peasant in the 19th century. She is seduced by a prince and naturally, falls in love. A fellow male peasant, who is also in love with Giselle, becomes jealous and uncovers the prince's true identity.Giselle, heart-broken when she finds out about the prince's true deceptive ways, dies. Yeah, that's right; she dies from a broken heart-- that's normal. This ends Act I. In Act II, she then ascends to anafter-life forest where she meets up with other crazy, bitter women who have also been seduced. Called the Wilis, these women sole purpose inthe after-life is to lure male deceivers into the forest and dance with them until they die. This story just loses all credibility as i tprogresses. The BDC is getting sick just sharing these ridiculous events.

The "Lazy" KYLE SUMMARY -- Ballet stories are ridiculous;although the dancing is impressive, the story makes the BDC sick!

burrito day 4/29/05

(btw -- see the 1st ever "Lazy" Kyle summary at the bottom if you are astime-strapped as our fearless leader)

The BDC chairman is back. No more short 1-liners for BDE (Burrito Dayemails). Rumors of hostile takeover of Burrito Day were abound, but tono avail. The committee remains as it is, at least for one more month!

Speaking of sensational rumors, William Randolph Hearst, the builder of Hearst Castle in San Simeon, CA, is the man who effectively coined the term. Hearst dominated the publishing scene early in the 20th century as his hand-me-down publishing company owned many publications such as the San Francisco Examiner, New York Morning American Journal, Chicago Examiner, and Boston American. He became synonymous with the term"yellow journalism". Believed by many to have initiated the Spanish-American War to encourage sales of his newspaper, he also advocated political assassination in an editorial just months before the assassination of President McKinley. Full of personality and a zest for a top-quality social scene, Hearst eventually built quite a mansion in San Simeon, CA to host whomever he damn well-pleased. While his empire may have been adverserial, Hearst used this popularity to lure top-notch guests, such as Winston Churchill, Calvin Coolidge, Cary Grant, Charles Lindbergh and Howard Hughes, to his mansion in San Simeon. Having toured Hearst Castle (which it only came to be name after the house was donated to California Parks & Recreation in 1955 by the Hearst family) this past weekend, I can assure you that there are many eccentric stories that are consistent with a man of his character. Examples --

1) guests were allowed to stay as long as they like as longas they followed HIS rules (jpresent for cocktails at 6:30; dinner at7:30; no more than 3 drinks per night -- YIKES!);
2) men must wear woolshirts while in the pool -- what? ,
3) Hearst set up two phone lines at each end of the pool so that one could call down to the other side if he/she saw something interesting -- Fantasic idea! ..and remember, this was in the 1920s-> 1940s.

One story appeals to the BDC more than any other however -- guests had assigned positions at the large rectangular oak dinner table every evening with Hearst sitting in the middle of the action. If you had something interesting to offer then you were offered a seat closer to Hearst himself the following night. However, if you were boring or lacked personality, you were moved down to the end of the table by the end of your visit. Simple really -- come to the table with an interesting story, and let your personality shine! The BDC is whole-heartedly behind this concept, and will enforce this at upcoming burrito day outings. HA!

The 1st "Lazy"- KYLE SUMMARY (newly invoked as the result of hissheer laziness, preventing him from reading brilliantly crafted emails)-- Hearst was an eccentric, talented businessman who built a mansion;invited popular people to his mansion; if you had something interestingto offer during your visit then you were offered a closer position atthe dinner table to Hearst himself and eventually invited back; the BDCwhole-heartedly backs this philosophy!

burrito day 4/14/05

Leadership is a beautiful thing! We here at the BDC have recently been fascinated by various forms of leadership, whether it be in the politiical realm or the business environment. Whether it involves courageously leading a country into battle (see Winston Churchill), or resurrecting an average company into an efficient empire (see Jack Welch), leadership can mean everything when trying to accomplish a lofty goal. In politics, one man stands above all others in recent years however -- Rudy Giulani. From the years 1993 - 2001, Rudy organized various teams to attack seemingly insurmountable problems within the city. He would not expect the simple answer -- "That is just the way it is". He wanted answers! Many people remember him for his outspoken efforts after 9/11, but Rudy's true accomplishments were well-established before he ever entered the national spotlight.

How did he do this you may ask? Simple really -- he asked each one of his department leads (crime, road improvements, etc.) to take responsibility for their performance. This sounds simple in words, but holds great meaning when forced into action. Rudy would meet with his department heads on a weekly basis and hammer out the details of the city. In his words, 'while these meetings were often confrontational, they were invaluable in getting to the truth". His focus on responsibility, along with weekly meetings where department leads were forced to defend their performance, lead the most diverse city in the world from the cellar of turmoil to a clean, safe place to live. Look only at the following three statistics for his successes

Violent crime reducecd by 80%
Overall crime reduced by 75%
Inmate violence reduced by 93%!

Undoubtedly, if he chooses to run, he has my vote for president in 2008!

burrito day 4/8/05

Aaaaahhh -- the pinnacle of the golfing season is upon us. So early in the year you might ask? Well, while most other professional sports save the best for last, the PGA schedules its first, and arguably most important, major event relatively early in the season. The MASTERS is simply a thing of beauty. Whether you are a golf / sports fan or not,the MASTERS offers everything that is great about sports, and especially golf -- an impeccable golf course w/ a fair but incredibly challenging layout, ultimate prestige, and more than anything else, the overwhelming pressure of a Major tournament. For those that are more familiar with the sport, some intriguing stories come into play for the 2005 edition-- will Tiger build upon recent momentum and continue his march towards Jack Nicklaus' seemingly insurmountable record of 18 major careervictories? Can Lefty (or Lumpy) defend his 2004 title and solidify his position as contender in the Majors? Will this year's early weather conditions allow a new championship to rise to the top? This weekend will answer all...

Golf fan or not, the BDC strongly recommends tuning into this weekend's tourney, if only to watch the leaders play the back nine on Sunday afternoon. Having walked the fairways of Augusta (home of the Masters)last spring, I can assure you it will be time well-spent.

...and one more thing -- while the BDC nominally chooses not to endorse any one team or player (this is an absolute lie of course!), it is inevitable in this case -- Go TIGER! YOU THE MAN! Go on with your BAD self! The ultimate athlete -- in Robin Williams' words, "Black athleticability combined with Buddhist concentration -- SSHHIIITAAH! -- not even a German geneticist could thought that one up!"

burrito day 4/1 -- APRIL FOOLS!

The BDC (Burrito Day Committee) would like to welcome several newcomers who have recently expressed interest in Burrito Day, and have therefore been added to the Burrito Day invite distribution. Many of these newcomers are trying to understand what Burrito Day is all about. While it's certainly impossible to explain Burrito Day in a few short paragraphs, those who frequent the deck at Chipotle on Friday afternoons may characerize Burrito Day in terms of the Rage - level .....but it's more than that! It's also a matter of respect. Here are a few examples from this past week which clearly illustrate this point:

1) A few members of the BDC had the privilege of attending GLR training this past Wednesday morning at 8 am! In true BDC form, these members began socializing at the beginning of class, as there were many important stories to share. One of these members, who along with sharing a name similar to that of a former Iraqi dictator also experiences a high level of RAGE, was in classic talkative form early in the training. The instructor was clearly annoyed by this behavior, and presumably wanted to set a quiet standard early his presentation. During one outburst, the instructor immediately turned to our favorite Department Manager, and gave him an immediate 'SSHHHH' in one sudden movement. I immediately feared for this poor man's life. The ACS dictator's eyes drifted in my direction, and I could immediately sense the gallons of flaming HOT rage boiling from deep within. This instructor had obviously crossed the line......

2) A few other members of the BDC also had the privilege of attending SCCB in the afternoon of this same day. SCCB's have recently become quite heated as many difficult decisions have come to a forefront -- this is no problem, as everyone wants to do what is right. However, at this specific SCCB, the line was certainly crossed. One heralded member of the BDC -- i.e. the newly-named Sledgehammer -- was presenting a controversial SCR, which people were respectfully discussing. Out of nowhere, a disrespectful tone abruptlty shot out from the end of the table. Like talking to his own 10-year old son, this individual attacked the Sledgehammer, implying that this BDC member's knowledge was less than adequate. Was this young individual serious? Did he know who he was messing with? Somehow, the Sledgehammer managed to keep his wits about him, but I fear that if this SCCB attendee raises his voice again, the consequences could be much more dire! God rest his soul.....

Clearly, these two stories demonstrate a certain level of disrespect directed toward the BDC community. This is unexpectable! ..and should be considered rule #1 when dealing with the BDC.

burrito day 3/18/05

Have you forgotten about Burrito Day? I certainly hope not. I realize it's been awhile, but after weeks of work / persnnal travel, it is time to re-establish the routine!

…and speaking of routine, the regular level of rage has been building over the past couple of weeks during the BDC's travels. One particular focus of this rising anxiety has been the current state of stop lights in other cities around the U.S. Correct me if I am wrong here, but we are in a technologically advanced time of the 21st century -- Yes? All stop lights should be striclty based on sensors!! …and/or time of day! Let's take Alexandria, VA for example. The main road through town is spotted with a dizzying arrray of stoplights at each street corner. This is not a problem -- that is assuming they are set up in some logical structure, AND they only change when a car is ready to cross. Instead, these ridiculous lights are set up on some ignorant solid-state machine that change independent of time or traffic. I found myself sitting at a red light for 30-40 seconds at 3 am with no traffic in what seemed like a square mile. Naturally, my temperature began to rise uncontrollably -- If I were to roll down the windows at this time, an array of smoke would have drifted out the windows in all directions. As much as I enjoyed the DC experience, this single-handedly prevented me from ever wanting to live in this area. This is just one example of rage over the past couple of weeks … come share!

..and Yes, we are headed back to Chipotle this Friday. Chipotle has recently began to honor certain members of the BDC. During one recent visit, a Chipotle manager granted a fellow BDC member a free burrito -- just because!! Now, that's respect …and has re-elevated the Chipotle name in the BDC's eyes.

burrito day 2/25/05

First off, I have to apologize to the non-golfers of the burrito crew, and those of you who may not be appreciative of true beauty -- if you are either of these you may choose to quit reading now. ..and if you are either, please let us know immediately, and the BDC will remove you from the burrito day list promptly. Otherwise, READ ON!

The BDC is absolutely fascinated by any female that has the ability to swing a golf club with any type of elegance. We all know the name Anna Kournikova, and while not a golfer, she has captured the sporting world with her true sex appeal on and off the court. Well, she now has a rival, and she is American! ...and this time the beauty can be found on the fairways of the LPGA. Remember the following name -- Natalie Gulbis. She is 22 years old and was recently featured in an article in the Golf Plus section of Sports Illustrated. It is clear that this girl has it all. She carries ultimate sex appeal on and off the golf course. She is already dating someone famous in the sports community, Ben Roethlisberger, the star rookie QB of the Pittsburgh Steelers. She flirts with other stars such as Derek Jeter. She is now widely regarded as the American Kournikova, but she should soon grow out of this name as she establishes her own identity. And she was recently invited to Ronaldo's engagement bash in Rio De Janeiro, Brazil with other stars such as David Beckham, Posh Spice, etc. What more could this have going for at this point in her life? Well she has yet to win on the LPGA tour, but this is just a matter of time. She has a Tiger-esque swing, and she has Tiger's drive and ambition.

This is exactly what the LPGA needs -- I may even go to my first LPGA event in the coming months :)

To check out Natalie's beauty for yourself, go to her own personal website..and specifically her best-selling calendar at
http://www.nataliegulbis.com/10.html

burrito day 1/26/05

After a long NFL season, we now know the teams for Super Bowl XXXIX -- New England Patriots vs Philadelphia Eagles. In the process, there has been talk about the New England Patriots QB, Tom Brady, becoming the best all-time QB with his 3rd Super Bowl victory. Before this issue can even be addressed, the currrent best all-time QB must be established. The BDC is up to this challenge and is willing to take an unbiased approach. Follow along, and let's see who comes out on top

I think we are all willing to agree that it really comes down to 2 QBs -- John Elway vs. Joe Montana

Let's look at the comparative stats:

Joe Montana John Elway
Games Played 192 234
Wins 117 140 (most all-time)
Yards 40551 51475 (2nd most all-time)
Career Passer Rating 95.3 80.0 (91.2 after Shanahan arrived in 1994)
Touchdowns / Interceptions 273 / 139 300 / 226
Rushing yards / TDs 1676 / 20 3407 / 33
Total TDs per game 1.52 1.42
Super Bowl appearances / Wins 4 / 4 5 / 2
4th Quarter comebacks 33 47 (most all-time)

When it comes down to it, two stats stand out -- 1) Most Wins and 2) 4th
Quarter comebacks. Why? The NFL is about winning. One QB has recorded more wins and has carried his team on his back in the 4th quarter more than anyone else. John Elway clearly stands out in both of these categories. If any member of burrito day was a fan of Elway during this time, they would remember that no game seemed out of reach, no mountain was too high, no pathetic coach or poor supporting crew could inhibit his genius. Time and time again, Elway rose up when
his team needed him most. One could argue that Joe Montana had more Super Bowl wins and a better QB rating, and therefore should be considered the best. However, the BDC offers that both of these stats are strongly influenced by coaching and a talented offense. Until 1993, Elway had neither of these. He played with the Three Amigos (i.e. Vance Johnson, Mark Jackson, and Ricky Nattiel), who were nobodies. Montana, on the other hand, had superstars like Jerry Rice
(undoubtedly the best receiver of all-time) and John Taylor. Montana also had the benefit of Roger Craig for the majority of his career, while Elway was forced to work with Sammy "Mississippi Mudwalk" Winder and Bobby "I beat my wife" Humphrey -- not your all pro running backs! Once Elway had a talented offense (i.e. Terrell Davis, Rod Smith, Shannon Sharpe) and a quality offensive coach, Mike Shanahan (who by the way was the 49ers offensive coordinator / QB coach for the
majority of Montana's career), Elway won two Super Bowls in four years, and his rating improved to something comparable to Montana's Putting everything together -- the answer is clear: JOHN ELWAY is the best QB of all-time ....when playing with a Super Bowl team ...or a very average team. Regardless of the situation, he is a true winner -- simple as that.

Tom Brady is well on his way up the ladder ...but talk to me in 7-8 years after he has experienced some NFL hardship, and let's readdress.

burrito day 1/14/05

Once in a lifetime, a TV show comes along that truly grasps the Americanpsyche. 24 started it's fourth season this past Sunday, and without adoubt, this series has developed into an innovative American drama as captivating, albeit somewhat farfetched, as anything American TV hasever seen. ..best of all, the series star, Jack Bauer, is consumed with uncontrollable duty when he in the field. Just to give you a hint of what has happened in the first four hours of the 4th season: (Background - Jack Bauer is a FBI Counter Terrorism Unit (CTU) field agent who has superhuman powers. In the first series, Jack Bauer's wife was killed in the line of duty -- he has been an emotional wreck ever since, though he has saved the day again and again -- that's all the background you really need to know)

1) Jack Bauer has been fired from CTU after becoming addicted to drugs while working undercover in Colombia. Jack has now fallen in love with the daughter of the Secretary of Defense. They openly express this in the first 1/2 hour - a little painful :-).
2) The Secretary of Defense and his daughter are captured by terrorists from Turkey - now the action really gets going.
3) Jack, who is now working directly for the Department of Defense,happens to be at CTU at the time of the kidnapping and naturally joins the chase with the current CTU field agent -his pathetic replacement.
4) The terrorists announce over the internet that within 3 hours they plan to try the Secretary of Defense for 'Crimes of Humanity' ...and then execute him.
5) The current CTU field agent is killed in duty (thank goodness)...and naturally Jack takes over and begins tracking a suspect who can lead him to the Secretary of Defense.
6) Jack needs satellite back-up in order to track the suspect, but of course, the satellite will not be working for 15-20 minutes - damn those things!
7) The suspect stops at a gas store. To buy time, Jack decides to rob the store. Yeah that's right - he is crazy enough to hold up the store to buy himself 20 minutes. He has lost it once again! He holds up four innocent people, and eventually a police offcer on duty. He locks them all in a freezer. - WELL DONE JACK!
8) After more police arrive on the scene, Jack manages to escape with the suspect, who he has taken hostage, and is able to convince him that he is truly a robber and not working for CTU. He lets the robber go,and the suspect continues on with his mission that will lead Jack right to the department of Defense. This is realistic - right?.
9) Jack is then arrested by the police.

....the fifth hour continues on Sunday night. Watch it! Throughout the first four hours, Jack is progressively more intense, and his level of rage within the first 4 hours of the show reaches levels that has not been seen since TMT erupted at Alondra! The intensity of the show, and especially Jack Bauer, are simply unparalleled. The BDC highly encourages viewing by all burrito day members.

burrito day 1/7/05

Ah YES ...a NEW YEAR ...and with it comes new ambitions to improve oneself. Everyone American makes some type of resolution, whether outspoken or not, aimed at improving their one personal being - it's the American way. ...but ridiculous nonetheless! When you really think about it, New Year's resolutions simply set oneself up for failure. Each one of us may make some small effort to improve for a short time, but these feeble attempts inevitably wane as the year progresses and we all settle back into our comfortable lives and eventually are once again content with the fact that we are who we are ...and that's life. We here at the BDC are determined to stick with the norm, and remain Status Quo. If some burrito day members have made some sort of unreasonable New Years resolutions - GOOD FOR YOU! ...but on this burrito day, you can let it slide - no one will tell, and your conscience will get an ass-whooping if it rears its ugly head! Whether your resolution is to eat better, and not gorge yourself at a single sitting ...or maybe it's to be more patient with your daily activities -- whatever it may be - let it go on burrito day! For one day, burrito day members can come back to reality and enjoy the finer pleasures of a true burrito day experience spent gorging yourself and complaining about whatever the hell you want. We at the BDC are here to listen :-) ...unless of course you begin boring us, and then we will promptly cut you off! HA!

Happy New Year to all burrito day members (although to be quite honest, the BDC is not really sincere in this wish. In the words of one honored BDC member - "After all, whether or not they have a "happy" year is of little (or no) consequence to me. It wouldn't bother me (that much) if they had a happy year, but why would I actually "wish" it? After all, its occurrence (or lack thereof) really won't do anything for me" WELL SAID!

burrito day 12/22/04

Twas four days before Christmas, when all through S70
Few engineers were stirring, not even the Burrito Day members

...When through the engineering walls there arose such a clatter,
Burrito day members sprang from their slumber to see what was the matter.

When, what to our wondering eyes should appear,
But a short BDC email, and a proposed Burrito Day venture,

....And the BDC whistled, and shouted, and called the members by name;"

Now, TMT! now Burrito Day Girl (BDG)! now LC and Mcelhoe!
On, Analysts! on MST engineers! on, other HOT girls that'd like to join! (What? :-))

To Chipotle we go! To the front of the line!Now come! come now! come all!"

"Happy Christmas to all Burrito Day Members, and to all a good-DAY!"

burrito day 12/03/04

The BDC has recently become enthralled with Magellan's circum-navigational adventure from 1520-1522. Many credit Christopher Columbus for being the greatest explorer / adventurer of the late 15th / early 16th century, but after reading Over The Edge of the World, a historical account of the first trip around the globe, one would have to disagree - Magellan easily takes the title. Columbus died believing his short trip across the Atlantic had taken him to the West Indies - in retrospect, a complete moron! Magellan, in contrast, was a true leader and was determined to find the real Western route to the Indies. He correctly realized that he would need to sail South of the Americas to reach his intended destination. Five ships and 210 people left the ports of Spain in early 1520 believing their master would lead them to glory- only 1 ship and 18 people (Magellan not being one of them unfortunately) returned to Spain in late 1522. Over The Edge of the World captures many great stories from this voyage in surprising detail; from their adventures along the South American coast, where South American Indian women would swim out to greet the incoming voyagers, to the rebellions that took place trying to overthrow their leader (Magellan's cunningness overcame each one of these), to Magellan's eventual demise in the Philippine islands, where he was killed in a battle that he didn't need to fight, Over The Edge of the World is recommended reading for any burrito day attendee. It's an excellent account of quite possibly the greatest voyage in human history

On burrito day, there are stories of people trying trying a new topping (eg. Barbacoa or Hot Sauce or Guacomole) .. and some may even claim to be adventurous. -- Magellan sailed around the world without any understanding of the true size of the world (especially the Pacific Ocean) -- Now that's an adventure!

burrito day 11/12/04

Over the past couple of weeks, the BDC has shared some insights on politics, professional sports, burrito history etc.. While these are all entertaining topics, we must always remember the true topic and emotion that brings us altogether and is consistent among the burrito crew: RAGE! One obvious source of RAGE is waiting ....waiting for anything! Very few members of the burrito day crew have patience for anything ..even if it is for a split second ...and that's is as it should be. We live in a fast-paced world, but at the same time there are moments where even waiting for a split second can be absolutely enraging. Here is a list of 'waiting' items that enrages the BDC:

1) Arriving on the 1st tee (or any tee for that matter), and realizing that there is someone else scheduled to tee off in front of you. "Hello good sir, why don't you play through" ..is the only acceptable comment from group on the tee!

2) Arriving at the DMV and realizing that the people standing outside the building are actually in line for something as simple as renewing a license.

3) Clicking on a button on your computer, and watching your entire screen freeze up, as the hard drive grinds while secretly laughing at your rising anger.

4) Arriving at a bathroom and realizing that all the available toilets are occupied - this is both enraging and potentially disastrous!

5) Merging on to a freeway, and then coming to a complete stop. One can only ask, "what on earth is going on up there?" A BIG wheel truck would always be useful at this time.

6) ...and of course, those anxious seconds before the tortilla man at Chipotle glances in your direction to acquire your order. Again, any hesitation at this point can be both enraging and potentially disastrous :-)

burrito day 11/5/04

In the spirit of the recent elections and the numerous CA propositions on the ballot this year, I offer the following proposition in 2006:PROPOSITION 77 (because '7' is the BDC's favorite number!):

Chipotle Burritos for all Employees. Happiness for All. Life is Good.Initiative Statute.*
- Requires all employers to sponsor one free burrito per employee per week. This is in addition to, and not in place of, the current list of employer benefits. *
-- Provides no limit to the type of burrito (i.e Chicken, Barbacoa, or even Fajita (god forbid :-). *
-- Authorizes employees to enjoy their burrito on the patio of Chipotle for at least 1.5 hours. This is considered company time. As demonstrated in previous trials, this can only improve worker productivity and morale.
-- Imposes severe penalties for employers that resist against this worthwhile benefit. This is not OPTIONAL!

If some of you, for whatever reason, think this may be a ridiculous proposition, I have one sure fire-method to get it passed - GET ARNOLD to back it!! This guy is phenomenal. He can sell anything. Two months prior to this past election Prop. 66 was passing 60% to 40%. Arnold decided he didn't want it ...so he threatened the entire state ...and guess what? - it didn't pass - 51% voted NO. I can hear Arnold's promotions now -- "Free Burritos for all employees! This can only help to strengthen their puny muscles. Our economy needs very large muscles so we can get out of this pathetic debt. Burritos PUMP YOU UP!!"

burrito 10/22/04

...Speaking of great sports rivalries, if you were even remotely tied into the ulitmate American pasttime over the past week, you witnessed undoubtedly the greatest come back in Major League Baseball history. While the Yankees fans chanted phrases like, "Who is your DADDY? ....Who is your DADDY?" " ....and "PPPEEEEDDDRROO, PPEEDDRROO!", the Red Sox nation stood strong. Coming from 3-0 down (which by the way no team in the MLB or NBA has ever accomplished), facing the curse of the Bambino (the trade of Babe Ruth from the Red Sox to the Yankees in 1920), and contesting with their hated rivals, the NY Yankees, who have eliminated them from the playoffs numerous times over the last 84 years, the BOSTON RED SOX came back and demonstrated the heart of a true champion. With nicknames like Deer Piss and Jesus, you gotta love this team!

The BDC is often filled wtih hints of rage over the smallest of minutia. However, this week, let's rejoice in a great victory. If you've ever witnessed a Boston Red Sox fan agonize over a MLB playoff game, you can appreciate the magnitude of this victory. The Red Sox are in their first World Series since 1986, and are on the brink of the their first World Series championship since 1918!! If you have even the slightest AMERICAN PULSE, you will be spending many hours over the next week in front of the TV enoying the pinnacle of Red Sox history......